Stop Your Emotional Reaction to Feedback: 4 Strategies

Feedback is essential for professional growth as a writer, but it can also trigger a strong emotional reaction that may interfere with our ability to learn from it. How can we overcome these reactions and use feedback as a tool for improvement?

“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” – Aristotle

 

Have you ever received feedback that made you feel angry, defensive, or hurt? If so, you are not alone. While feedback is essential for learning and improvement, it can also trigger negative emotions and defensive reactions. These may interfere with your ability to learn from it. But why is feedback hard to receive? And how can we overcome your reactions and benefit from feedback?

 

In this article, we cover the psychological and social factors that make feedback challenging. We offer four strategies to help you learn to accept and use feedback effectively, so you can grow as a writer.

 

Why Is Feedback Hard to Receive?

Feedback is a crucial tool for learning and improvement, and most people want feedback on how they’re doing. But feedback can be hard to take. Sometimes, feedback can trigger an emotional response that makes us feel defensive, angry, or hurt. Why does it happen?  How can we overcome these emotions? Understanding the what and why can serve to better help us move to the how.

 

It challenges your self-image & self-esteem.

We may have certain ideas about who we are and what we’re good at, but feedback may contradict or bring those ideas into question. For example, if you think of yourself as a good writer, and someone points out flaws in your writing, you may feel attacked or criticized. This can trigger a fight-or-flight (or freeze) response in your brain. This tends to make a person either lash out or withdraw from the feedback.

 

It depends on the source & the delivery.

You may be more receptive to feedback from people you trust and respect, and less so from people you dislike or distrust. You may be more open when it’s delivered in a respectful and constructive way, and less so to harsh, vague, or personal. According to a study by Harvard Business Review, 92% of respondents agreed that negative feedback, if delivered appropriately, is effective at improving performance. However, only 21% said they liked receiving feedback.

 

An example of harsh feedback might be if someone says, “Your presentation at the last writer’s group was boring and unprofessional.” Of course, you may feel offended and defensive. But if someone says, “Your presentation had good points, but it could be improved by adding more visuals and examples,” you may feel encouraged and motivated.

 

How to Overcome Emotional Reaction & Benefit from Feedback?

Feedback can trigger effects that interfere with rational thinking. But what can we do? How can we benefit from feedback? The first step: acknowledge how you feel. You might be to feel hurt, angry, defensive, ashamed, or confused. These are natural and human responses.

 

Understand feedback as constructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is feedback intended to help improve your work. It differs from other criticism types because it focuses on offering practical advice rather than just pointing out flaws. It aims to be helpful, actionable, and specific, and it usually includes suggestions for improvement. Be sure to set aside time for reflecting on the feedback. Consider how you can use it to improve your writing.

 

Reframe feedback as an opportunity.

Rather than seeing feedback as a threat or judgment, embrace a growth mindset. Viewing criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow can make you more receptive to feedback. It’s essential for receiving criticism. Try to see feedback as a gift to help you improve your skills and performance, rather than a punishment that exposes your writing flaws or weaknesses.

 

Separate feedback from your identity & self-worth.

It’s also crucial to remember that criticism is directed at your work, not you as a person. Try to separate feedback from your identity and self-worth. Instead, recognize that it’s about your work, not about who you are as a person. It’s not a personal attack on you.

 

Seek clarification & understanding.

Before responding to feedback, ask questions to make sure you understand what the feedback means or how to apply it. Ask for clarification and to get more specific and actionable suggestions. You can also ask for positive feedback as well as negative, to balance your perspective and appreciate your strengths.

 

Thank the person for the feedback, whether you disagree with it or find it helpful. Expressing gratitude and appreciation for the feedback can help build trust and rapport.

 

More than a few times, I worked on projects with a senior colleague who had more experience and knowledge. He was also strict and demanding. One day, he reviewed my report and found several typos and grammatical errors. He sent a long email listing the issues and how he suggested fixing them. Reading it made me embarrassed and upset. I thought he was being too harsh. I wanted to reply with a defensive and snarky message. But then I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt me but help me. He was giving me constructive criticism about my writing. It was not a personal attack. He wanted me to improve and learn from my mistakes.

 

So, instead of retorting in a negative way, I thanked him for the feedback, and I asked him for more advice. He was surprised and even pleased by my reaction. He told me he appreciated my willingness to learn and grow. He became my mentor and friend. He taught me a lot about being professional. Because of him, I learned that constructive criticism is a gift, not a curse.

 

TIP: For help on giving feedback, see Constructive Criticism: How to Give and Receive Feedback.

 

Conclusion

Constructive criticism plays a pivotal role in an author’s growth. It offers a different perspective, reveals blind spots, and provides guidance on how to improve. As a new writer, embrace constructive criticism. Remember, each piece of feedback is an opportunity for growth and improvement. Don’t let the fear of criticism hold you back. Instead, welcome it as a tool that can take your writing to new heights.

 

For a new writer, feedback in the form of constructive criticism can offer insights into your writing that you may have overlooked. It can help you see your work from a different perspective, helping you grow and evolve as an author. Plus, receiving feedback can make your writing more relatable and engaging.

 

By reframing feedback as a learning opportunity, and by seeking clarification and understanding, you can overcome these reactions and use feedback to improve your writing. Over time, with a positive attitude and consistent practice, receiving constructive criticism can become an integral part of your writing process.

 

Don’t wait. Start today! Create an action plan to fuel your growth as a new author.

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